Friday, July 12, 2013

Flashback - San Diego in the summer

I decided to clean-up my Facebook account. Boyfriend said there's too many lame selfie photos of us. So, fine. I'll put them on my blog instead :) Compromise.

When I was deleting an insane amount of photos (I hate how he's always right), I got all mushy thinking of San Diego.


I went there completely open. Do you ever feel like your heart is just so big you might fall over? I've never been so free as when we were driving 16 hours from Denver to So Cal. I think my life was a race right up until that point. I wanted to win. To beat all the naysayers and the odds and the clock. To check off every task I wanted for my life: move to a new city, check, separate myself from people I've always known, check, buy a house, check, decorate it however I wanted, check, make friends on my own, check, love my job, check, become a better person, check (still working on this one of course), build an adult wardrobe, check, create my own at-home painting studio, check...

Somehow when he asked me to go there, to California, I finally crossed the finish-line.

And then, I could just be. I was validated. And all of the loneliness, and stress, and hard work, and love sick surprise drifted away and I just felt really... happy. Blessed. Ultimately thankful to be alive and to be myself.


I got to work from home. I had time for anything. My house in Denver was doing great. I had nothing to repair and no to do list. I had more money than ever and could handle my bills without any stress. I had this wonderful man in my life who supports me fully - he doesn't hold back anything, ever...one of my favorite things about him. I got to live without roommates. I could drink juice straight from the bottle. I walked Gryffindor to the park almost every day.

I had time to read and learn to cook. I figured out spice and seasoning. I could go to the ocean any time I wanted. I laid in the sand for hours and made little paintings. I had no one waiting for me to do anything. I tried all kinds of new things: sailing, surfing, paddle-boarding, kayaking, boxing, and keeping house plants.

I had time to figure out that I love fish tacos, fresh flowers, nail polish, my feet in the grass, and swing sets. I ate in-n-out every week just cause I love it. I started taking Pilates and found my strength. I could finally do push ups. I built relationships with some of my favorite people in the entire world (who I miss terribly now). And I witnessed a different kind of family and support that is unfathomable.


I started to understand things about life while I was in San Diego that I truly believe a lot of people don't, and maybe never will. Not that I'm smarter or better (cause, really. I'm not), but for some reason I was blessed with the opportunity to - all of a sudden - see my own life, not just through the eyes of a boyfriend who loves me and makes me feel perfect pretty much every day - which helps, but also through my own aerial camera: look down on what I've done so far, where I came from, who I am, and see new appreciation for it all.


When you have time and space in your heart, there's so much more room to discover. Nothing in the world compares to waking up happy and thankful to be you and to be here.

I am so grateful for San Diego and this time in my life. Not only does the city have everything, but it is still my favorite place in the world.



<3
Ellie



*First image, photo credit: Sunset Cliffs Estate. So awesome; had to steal.