Tuesday, August 26, 2014

20 Ways to Act More Like a New Yorker

We have lots of guests coming to stay soon. And I watched a classic buzzfeed video on how to piss off New Yorkers. So, in spirit of all this, here are my recommendations on how to act like a New Yorker...

1. Stay to the right. Example.

2. Pull out your metro card before you arrive at the carousel. This is a dead giveaway that you're a tourist. New Yorkers have it out and ready 2 blocks before the train entrance.

3. Things are expensive, but you should act like it doesn't matter. If it's too much, order water. But never bring it up.

4. On the flip side, discussing outrageous rent prices or talking about your apartment is a hot topic for New Yorkers. Want to talk to anyone in the city? Bring up something about the apartment/building/block/area/burough you live in or are currently standing it. Works every time.

5. Don't stare. Tourists stare and point and act surprised about the man wearing a crochet suit with matching hat. New Yorkers are desensitized to such things.

6. Subway/metro/MTA/underground/tube/railway/rapid transit/light rail...whatever you call it, in New York:  it's the train. Always.

7. Also, Manhattan is the city.

8. When you're ordering food, speak up! Yell if you have to.

9. This one's obvious, but don't pull out a map. There are maps at every train entrance and you know you have a smart phone.

10. Shoes. To act like a you live in NYC, you can't wear athletic shoes or flip flops out doing things. Think converse, vans, boots, strappy sandals. If you dare to flip flop, expect the dreaded black foot.

11. Be weary of bright colors. Even in the summer, New Yorkers are a neutral crowd.

12. Never stop moving. There's always a place to get to and dawdling about won't get you there.

13. Wear headphones.

14. If you see a clipboard, quickly cross the street.

15. Don't use neighborhood names that are too neighborhood-y...like Greenwood Heights, Kips Bay, Carroll Gardens, Gowanus. If anyone brings these up, you've never heard of them.

16. Think of the city as 4 pieces - the west side, east side, downtown, uptown. Rule to live by. Also, think of Brooklyn as Williamsburg, downtown, by the beaches, or deep.

17. When the "off duty" light is on in a cab, don't try to hail it.

18. Just walk up to the bus and get on. If you're waiting "in line", you'll be waiting for the next one over and over again.

19. Jaywalk.

20. And finally, do not enter an empty train car. There is a reason no one's in there.

And a few last tips:
- a line of cabs with no passengers is usually a sign for the best falafel of your life.
- avoid tourist traps - they are expensive and only cool the first time (e.g. Times Square, Empire State), there's so many great places to go that are easier and cheaper.
- eat at an Italian bakery.
- be blunt, adaptable, compact, and good on your feet.

With lots of love from the city,

*Edited: something else interesting.