Thursday, April 21, 2016

Wordy thirty

BAH I've been avoiding this post like the plague but I wanted to write it so here goes. My birthday is next week. I love my birthday. Love the Facebook post counting, promise of cake (with sprinkles when a girl is lucky), calls from family, cards to put on the window sill and feel special, and it always feels like a big celebration of life. Another year down and (wow!) look what I did with it. I've been REALLY REALLY lucky recently to fill the last few years with nothing short of wonder (from my perspective of course). So many friends are counting weddings and houses and babies but I've been counting cities, events, jobs, friendships. Life is so good. I think I still love my birthday. However, this year is a bit different.

I keep feeling like maybe I'm not ready to be 'in my thirties'. Whew. Just typing that sounds like pressure. I have only a few thirties friends (some of my favs no doubt, but only a few) so it seems like this decade is carrying me away from so many people and...let's face things. There are just some things you can't do in your thirties without being the weird old person or the 'mom type'. That's hard. This is the first birthday where I'm not just getting things...things are being taken away. From now on, that is a reality. Now, I notice young people I never noticed before. I mean, I notice when a girl who's due for a Hogwarts letter is prancing around with her butt out of her shorts. But like, now, I notice people in high school. They look positively childish...which is so weird. On one hand, that was like not that long ago right? On the other, like DAMN I'm so glad that's over and I'm #adulting now. I feel adult-y too. My actual physical life is absolutely no different than it was at 25 but now when I consider my retirement I'm not doing so to appease my mother, I'm doing it so I don't end up in a retirement home in Iowa. Lord, help me save enough to at least play bocce ball by the coast and bring classy tequila to bridge games...perhaps a cruise now and then. I digress. Mostly I just want to work on remembering, like truly internally telling-my-brain-off-every-single-day remembering, to age with grace. To not complain that I'm older. To not dwell on my limitations. To find joy in new types of adventures. To never forget that another year older is another year I'm, finding my own happiness. Not everyone is enjoying such luxuries. Acceptance is key, I know that.

I was in San Diego last week (big trip post coming soon! hphm well...coming sometime haha) sitting on my favorite beach. Actually, maybe my favorite place in the world. And I was thinking about thirty and what it means and why I'm so obsessed with this milestone. It feels like a loss of freedom and a gain of judgement. Like your twenties are just a blow off - all fun. BUT your thirties, time to get serious, time to learn those lessons (so you can afford the drinks - shout out SATC). I think it's important for me to realize the things I'm gaining to replace some things I can't do anymore (bye bye pigtails and cheap jeggings). Find some much-needed balance. So what can I do in my thirties that I didn't/couldn't during the last decade?

  •  Get serious about my health. Not just basic don't eat pizza 3 times a day, but like nutrients. Take my vitamins...not twice a week - every day. Eat less sugar. Drink more water. Care about feeling good. Value energy.
  • Cut the people that suck. Stop holding on to every friendship because I never had that core group everyone seems to leave high school with. I. don't. need. it. I. do. not. need it. (admittedly, this hasn't quite sunk in yet).
  • Realize a buzz is superior to being wasted. Same fun, less pain later.
  • Foster my new love for cooking. This one will be easy.
  • Further develop the identity I found. I think in my twenties I was still deciding who I wanted to be. Now that it's pretty clear the things I can change and have tried to (still always trying) versus the things that are just me. This decade, I want to dig deeper. I like being emotional and compassionate, I can bask in it a bit more. Share this part of me with more people. I like having roots. I want to find what I love about Oregon, Oklahoma, my step dad's family, my real dad's side, Italy, my grandparents. There are stories there. I want to dance more. I miss painting. I miss working with my hands.
  • Lipstick. Yeah, I'm ready for that. Maybe full make-up in general. I've always steered clear for fear of getting attached to more expensive (unnecessary) things. But, hey! I'm 30 now.
  • Prioritize career. Hm. Actually, I might just come back to this one. I might still be a drifter for now.
  • Never think I'm too old for something. I might be gettin' be it. I will not live my life appropriately. Ever. (Ok, so maybe I did this one in my twenties. But I'm adding it in here as pure spaced repetition.)
  • Deal with my investments. Hm. Or, spend it all on traveling. Not sure yet.
  • Weekend mornings. These did not exist in my twenties, but I have a feeling I can seriously utilize them in my thirties. Quick run, early yoga, grocery shop, long dog walk, major brekkie situation, the options are endless.
  • Time for board games. More please.
  • Loving my niece and my friend's babies. Still not interested in my own, but I am oddly thrilled to buy cute little things and dote on small happy faces (once in a while). 
  • Finally becoming a legitimate voice of reason. I know, I know, I've always thought I was. But now, I'm older. I definitely know more than, like, a lot of people.
  • Brag about my awesome non-computer 90's childhood. Love this.
  • Let my garden geek flag fly. In your thirties, it is perfectly acceptable to share your obsession with rocks and flowers. Yeah yeah!
  • Drink alcohol for pleasure rather than stupidity. Look out craft beer, I'm just getting started.
  • Get sexy. I've always tried to be cute. Maybe because I always admired small cute girls and I like small cute things. Can't wait to see Japan. The Tai Pei airport alone had me gasping for breath. Regardless, I think in my thirties I will embrace the sexy. Low cut, high slit, shiny hair, maybe even a smoky eye? mmhm.
I'm making pizza from scratch this weekend and I'm very excited about it. Happy Birthday to me!
(If that's not 30, then I dunno what is.) Stay tuned for the result xo