Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Half a decade

Hi Boyfriend,

Half a decade. Assuming I live to be 94 years old, which I think is an age to feel good about, you've been in my life for 5.32% of it. Only 5.32%! It's not much time at all really but I am so immensely proud of it. You are so kind. So good and so fun. You bring so much joy to my life. I can't say it enough how thankful I am. You regularly make breakfast while I'm sleeping so I get to wake up to eggs, you feel sad for me for things you know are silly because you can tell it will make me feel better, yet, somehow, you never lose integrity and won't agree with me unless I'm right which makes it all the more better because when you agree I'm right I know I really am, you bring me flowers cause you know I love them, you don't make me ask if my parents can take our bed when they visit, in fact, you always show my parents respect and when I complain about my family you never agree with me, you always remember to include me or offer things to me even though I'm a jerk and don't always remember for you, and you snuck off with me in the desert in the middle of the night because who doesn't wanna do it in the sahara? 

You let me tell the story even if you know you tell it better...actually, you even let me finish telling the story that everyone stopped listening to because I'll realize it's awful afterwards and interrupting me would make me feel bad, you travel with me to places you've already been which is like sacrilege of your travel code just because you know I want you to come with me, you notice something is wrong with me even before I do, you always help me when I'm sick, even if it's every other week it seems, you put up with me complaining about your health consciousness when I absolutely should be supporting you, you always invite me to meet your friends and family, and you even sometimes waste time watching movies or shows I'm convinced you'll like and you never really do...
You never judge anyone I care about even If I would judge them if I didn't care about them, you always make sure I feel special when I should, you've given me the best birthdays of my life, you've made my fantasies come true, you always listen when I need to talk and not just out of obligation but because you care, and you're almost always honest with me even if we don't share the same opinion about what a person would or wouldn't (or should or shouldn't) want to know. You argue with me but you know when to stop cause I'll go crazy, you manage to get excited about things just because I am and somehow always have a great time, you stick up for me when I need it even if you're in Mexico and I'm in Denver and all you can do is write strongly worded emails that somehow manage to do the trick, you compliment me and tell me the truth about outfits, and you talk me up to people about what I do and this and that which will forever make me feel like a goddess.

Wand practice
I could go on forever listing the amazing things you do for me. I hope you know I notice and I hope you know how much I appreciate all the little things. Sometimes I think about what my life would look like if you weren't in it. You're so intricately entwined in some of the most profound moments of my life. I mean, I still flaunt our love, our relationship, your gorgeous face next to mine, like brand new designer shoes because I'm just so damn proud of you. I don't care who's annoyed and, let's be honest, you make me better than I would be otherwise.

I mean look that that guy? So sexy and suave but approachable and sweet. Charming. I can't not gaze into your deep brown eyes and stare at your shiny hair. I still stare and I'm sorry I'm not sorry because not every girl gets to look and I should just for everyone's sake.

My first love, first big travel, first long travel, first undeveloped nation, first overcrowded nation, first temple, first pickleback, first rooftop bar, first trip with friends, first time snowboarding, first time eating all things very strange, and first black-out drunk. First super slinky dress, first time to see Friends, and first worry sometimes that maybe I'm not good enough. First battle with jealousy, first realization that trust can fly you to the moon, first butt massage, and first time growing together, not apart. First love, forever love. I hope I never lose you.
How would I explain my life without mentioning your name every 5 minutes? The work behind constructing a conversation like that is way more than I want to think about. How could I ever find someone so willing to love my dog and my Harry Potter and my Jane Austen and my Sex in the City and all other classes of silliness not with spite but with the look in your eyes that tells me I can wake up tomorrow obsessed with moss just like Alma from The Signature of All Things and you'd find it completely adorable? How did I ever get so lucky?

I love you. I love like the kind that only really really lucky people get to feel. Every day is a gift. I know I'll never take it for granted. Even now, I can't wait to rest my legs on your legs tonight while we watch the Big Bang Theory with puppy snuggled in between. There really is no better life.